So I just wanted to get this cleared up before we start: this post isn't to bash my ex-partner at all. It is simply a (hopefully) helpful set of suggestions to help those of us who are finding themselves recently unattached get through the season of heart-shaped everything's and hand-holding. Having been attached for the best part of 2 years I found getting used to being back on the market a bit daunting at first but I think I've got it down now - and if you have any suggestions to add feel free to help a girl out.
1. I always find the best therapy for a breakup is your friends. Give them a call, ask them to come over, turn up on their doorstep (maybe warn them first if you're opting for the latter). I have a couple of amazing best girl-friends who were practically fighting over who was going to order me takeaway and pour wine down my throat when they heard about what had happened and I'm eternally grateful to them for it. A good friend is also going to be the one who will enforce strict no-rebound rules on you and will be on standby to go see that film or try that new restaurant or whatever it was that you and your no-longer other half were planning on doing together.
2. Devote some time to yourself. Seriously. It sounds corny as hell, but it's true. My life revolved around my ex when we were together, between lining up schedules and planning dates to actually spending time together he took up a good 80% of my free time. I dropped all sorts of hobbies to accommodate my relationship and I've really been enjoying re-discovering and getting back into the things I used to love.
3. Throw yourself into something you're good at. There was a line in "One Tree Hill" from back in the day that really hit me on the close of this relationship: "Focus on your talent. Everything else will work itself out" and that's what's been getting me through. I've thrown myself into my work and you know what? Not even a month on I feel so much better. I feel productive and I feel positive and I'm going to be fine. Focus on the things that are going well and everything will be okay.
4. Don't feel like you can't still be friends with the people you met through your ex, but don't put up with them if they're being less than nice to you. Keep in mind that their view of the breakup is limited to what your ex has told them, and that they were already his friends when they met you. Remove yourself from the group chats, delete them if necessary, but don't take verbal abuse and don't put up with bullying.
5. Give yourself time to properly heal. This is a difficult one because there is no one-size-fits-all answer to "how long does it take to get over something/someone". Every person and every situation is different. That being said, figure out your feelings and feel them. Another quote I've been holding onto lately is "pain demands to be felt" (John Green), and the truth is, every feeling demands to be felt. So whatever your feeling, feel it, and know that the way you feel is more than likely an appropriate response.
And if all else fails, I have 2 words for you: Netflix and chocolate. If all you need right now is a few days of laying in bed with junk food watching TV like a zombie, then do it. If it turns into weeks it's a problem, but a small dose of time spent feeling sorry for yourself can help. (And don't worry, I don't know many people who actually share anything that is marketed "to-share" either).
No comments:
Post a Comment